‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Intelligent Nutrients soon would be there;
The men were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of matte texture paste danced in their heads;
And Paula in her ‘kerchief, figuring out the next monthly pick,
Had just taken some Intellimune, to fend of the winter sick,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the dewed grass
Gave the lustre of mid-day reflecting like glass,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Canada Post truck, with the scent of Jasmine in the atmosphere,
With a little old driver, so lively and yet drawn,
I knew in a moment it must be John.
More rapid than eagles his products they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Pureluxe! now, Pureserve! now, Harmonic Invigorating Shampoo!
On, Destress Express! on Intellimune! on, Curly Hair Creme too!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of IN, and even Organic Nation too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard up top
The prancing and dancing, even a little hop.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney PureStem Beauty came with a bound.
He was dressed all in green, from his head to his foot,
And his skin was youthful from the head and body oil he daily put;
A bundle of beauty he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the goatee of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pencil he held tight in his teeth,
And the papers… they encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
Seasons Greetings TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!